Guest Post: In The End

Continuing with this month’s focus on Mental Health, we have a poem from Kennedy Coombs,  a Weymouth-based rapper and poet.

How can I cope with this devil on my shoulder,
The heat is on but its making me colder,
When I was younger it hoped I’d grow older,
Started off small now it’s heavier than a boulder,

You say I’m fine, well I’m sick in the head,
You say I‘ll cope, well I’m sick of this mess,
I dunno how long I can stick with this stress,
If it was my way then I would’ve writ this in red,

I’m gonna have to break before people will notice,
That I was suicidal when I actually wrote this,
I’m waiting for the day, my depression I own it,
So I’m not worried about who’s got the most hits,

Cause on my worst days I struggle with reality,
Insane methods just hoping to find my clarity,
My heads in the clouds, yeah I’m defying gravity,
But when I fall, i know I‘ll be falling rapidly,

Yet it doesn’t matter because I am still smiling,
What about the day where it’s my body you’re finding,
I was up in the clouds, there’s no silver lining,
No one hears my pain, but they notice the rhyming,

I know my day will come when it’s the right timing,
But my life’s a tidal wave that I’m still riding,
There’s so much I’m continuously hiding,
Screaming out for help but it’s like I’m miming,

It’s not like I am obsessed with death and dying,
I’m just sick to death of constantly trying,
Spending my nights alone and crying,
I know I look fine I’ve gotten good at lying,

My life is a ring and I am always fighting,
My life is a song I am continuously writing,
Sinking to the bottom, but the top is in my sighting,
It’s like my life is bait and i am always biting,

It doesn’t matter what I do nothing is right,
So why survive just to eventually die,
Where are my wings? I just wanna fly,
Why stay sober when life’s easier if you’re high,

Years of rejection is the reason why I’m so numb,
Always staring down the barrel of my own gun,
In my mums womb my loneliness begun,
Now I don’t recognise the man that I’ve become,

How can I be myself when I dunno who I am,
I can’t make sense of something I don’t understand,
My life’s a battle and I’ve never had the upper hand,
With every love story there’s always another man,

Falling apart my nightmares are repeating,
I’ve had enough of constantly competing,
This is one story I’m gonna be completing,
Any more heart ache I won’t be receiving,

Now as a young man, I’m still suffering daily,
I ask for help but no one wants to save me,
I just want one day where I can be ache free,
If not, then God is gonna have to take me,

This life I’m living is starting to break me,
A danger to myself I’m concerned for my safety,
I’m tryna find a way out, I’m tryna do it safely,
You can’t let me live like this, no one can make me,

I am the monster that society created,
I’m feeling so numb it’s like I’m sedated,
The one full of energy has slowly deflated,
A song that most can probably feel related,

They call it life cause it’s a life sentence,
Living a life to exit, why make an entrance,
Making it seem peaceful, Hell they forgot to mention,
Even as a yout I was constantly in detention.

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